Sunday, July 25, 2010

friendship blues :(

So, I had an interesting conversation tonight with my husband about me being social, or rather the lack of.  You see, I'm definitely an introvert and my husband is definitely the extrovert. If we were at a party, I would stay attached to my husband and let him do all the talking, maybe jumping into the conversation a time or two. If we were talking to complete strangers, I probably wouldn't ask any questions, but would respond if asked one. I don't like to walk up to random strangers or people that I don't really know and talk to them. My husband, as a friend once said about her husband, "could talk the paint off of a wall and then have it talk back!"

Most of the time, I don't really think about this. I enjoy being alone and having some quiet time. This probably stems from the fact that I come from a family of 9 and grew up without any space and rarely any privacy. I don't have to be around people all of the time, but my husband does. I love going out with our best friends, but we don't have any that actually live in Rockwall. Close, but not enough where we could hang out at the drop of a hat.

Tonight my husband was concerned that I was too unsocial, not happy, and don't have any friends. I tried to explain to him that I AM happy and if that changed I'd let him know! :) Well, the more that I thought about what he said tonight, the more that I realized that I really don't have any girl friends that I hang out with in Rockwall. It's different for Bryan because he has a few guys that he could call up and go hang out with anytime. Me, not so much. I just am not comfortable doing that.

It's hard for me to explain it to my husband, but I feel that I shouldn't really have to work hard at making a friend.  When I think back to when I met all of my best, lifelong, friends, I either just happened to come in contact with them, we had something in common, or we just met and totally clicked. I've never had to try to get any of those friendships. I just want it to automatically happen, and nothing be awkward about it. I just don't want to seem like I'm trying too hard, or a loser you know? I can't stand the thought of me forcing my friendship on someone.

The other thing that I hate is the fact that I have met all of you wonderful people in the blog world, but it's practically impossible for us to be real life friends. Mostly because you live in a different state, or somewhere nowhere near where I live! It just kills me because I know that with some of you, if we lived in the same city, we'd be best friends. I could call you up to go shopping, or go get a mani/pedi or just hang out doing nothing. I miss doing that with my real life best friends.

Bryan and I have been doing good with getting involved with our church and life group and met a ton of great couples! Bryan of course has clicked with several of the guys and I like hanging out with the girls, but it hasn't gone any further than that. I know that I need to be more social and put myself out there, but it's just so hard!

I love my husband to death and love spending time with him, but sometimes I just need a girl friend to hang out with! I'm sorry this is such a depressing post. You can blame it on my husband for making me think about it in the first place! ;) Just please pray that God will bring me a friend. I've prayed about this once before and He brought me Bryan! Maybe this time I'll be a bit more gender specific when I pray! ;)

Well, thanks for listening to me complain! I'll try to write a happier post next time! :)

13 comments:

* Tyly * said...

Don't apologize for writing a 'depressing' post - it's your blog to share your feelings! :)

I totally get it. When I was getting married, I didn't have any other bridal shower than the one I had at work. Why? Because I don't really have any close friends around here that I hang out with. I love my work friends, but if I had a separate shower, it would have been the exact same work friends there! I spend all my time alone or with James, so I totally get how you feel. Sometimes I do wish I had a girl friend to shop with get pedis with, etc. James isn't very fun to browse stores with - haha! I get how you feel!!

Brittney said...

I am exactly like you! My husband and I live in Del Rio, TX and have for two years. I have not one single girlfriend here becuase I feel like (based on all my friendships in high school, college, childhood) that it shouldn't have to be forced. My husband, too, is the extrovert and I am always attached to his side when we go out into a social situation. I do make small conversation, but I'm not outgoing enough to walk up to a stranger alone and start talking to them.

Unfortunately, we weren't able to find a church that felt like home for us, so that made it much more difficult. We move to Missouri in a couple weeks and we can't wait to start over and hopefully...just hopefully I'll be able to make some friends, because sometimes, I just need some girl time! If I lived closer to Rockwall, I'd ask you to coffee! :)

PS. I'm your newest follower. Love your blog!

Shaunna said...

I sooo feel ya! I don't have any close friends here in Coleman either:(

Shayla said...

aww haha i loved how you wrote about being gender specific in prayer lol!

I am a huge extrovert, but i have problems getting CLOSE with people, and really trusting them.

So i have a tough time finding great best girlfriends too!!!

:S now im moving to corpus so i will be in your shoes all over again in a month!

Erica @ on the move said...

I often have this same problem, but growing up in the military, and now being a military spouse, I've realized that I need to work harder to make friends.

Yes, it feels weird and artificial to set out to make friends. I think it will always feel that way for me, but I've just got to get over it.

The most important part of making friends is TIME. Think about the times in your life when you've made close friends before. Probably college, or high school, right? There was also probably a lot of time naturally built in to hang out with them and form that bond. If you're looking to make friends, set yourself up for success. Find a way to spend time with someone you might be interested in becoming friends with.

My best friend is my neighbor. We have kids right at the same age (Mine are 3 and 5, hers are nearly 4 and 6), so the kids play a lot, and that's how we started seeing one another on a daily basis. We have a townhouse type home, so our front doors are only a few feet apart, so it makes it easy. Now we see one another literally every day. I've been away in here in the US for almost 3 months, and it's been so strange to be without Angie for so long!

I guess my point is, set yourself up for success. Create opportunities to spend time with others, even if it feels strange at first. Invite some of those friends from church over to your house, or out bowling (or whatever you think is fun). I guarantee at least some of those folks are also wishing that they had a few more close friends, and they'll be glad that someone is doing something about it.

Michelle said...

I'm in the same boat! I'm an introvert, Eric's an extrovert, and he doesn't understand why I don't make friends as easily. He actually tried to set up a friendship FOR me with his bestfriend's wife.

Amber said...

It's not depressing - it's just how you feel and that's natural. I would feel the same way if I didn't have many female friends in my area. Hopefully you will continue to develop friendships through your church and lifegroup. Sometimes it just takes a little time to make those deep connections. I'll pray that God brings new people into your life who will enrich it!

clw said...

First off, Brittney, you must be in military. You're living in my hometown! What a small world! Have you checked out the Emporium yet? Do it!

Chelsey, I SO KNOW how you feel. As a military wife, practically all friendships I've made here are forced...and that's totally ok! There is an understanding that we put ourselves out there and move a lot more quickly than "regaular" friends do. You really do just need to put yourself out there. No one will think you're a loser! Heck, there's probably a lot of wives at your church who are looking for friends, too. You desperately NEED girlfriends. They are vital to a happy marriage. Isn't that strange?!

Take a class, join a Book Club, Bible study, etc. Be open and friendly. You WILL meet people that you will have nothing in common with - and that's okay, too. You'll have to sift through the weirdos, but eventually, you'll find someone to be good friends with. Don't come across as needy, but definitely be open.

I wish that all of us bloggers lived closer to one another. How much fun would that be?!

And yes, pray for a friend. That's not silly at all. I have done it!

Kyrbie Alexis said...

I so know how you feel...I'm the same way. I depend on Will to make friends for us, which is why we have all male friends! It's fun but can get old. Sometimes you do just need a good girlfriend within reach. Will used to try to get me to meet new friends too, but I was never very successful. I remember Will would even coach me through a conversation to have with a girl that seemed like would be a good friend. hahaha...when in doubt, just ask them about themselves. People always like to talk about themselves :)

I'm just not good at making new friends. I'm so awkward that I just don't try. I have forced myself to go to different women's events at church, and it's ok, but really haven't had that "connection" with anyone. When we see eachother at church, we chat, but that's about it. How awkward is it to ask for another girl's phone number?! I remember being so determined to find a good girlfriend that it was like I was shopping for the perfect purse or something. I felt so lame. I remember seeing a girl at the gym and being like hmm...she looks nice, I should try to talk to her. But then I would never get the guts to just introduce myself. And, the sad thing is that we're not the only ones. Women can just be so shallow sometimes that we don't allow ourselves to really be transparent and appear "uncool".

Unfortunately, I've been in Houston for 3 years now and really don't think I've made any good girlfriends. It's lonely. No one to shop with, no one to just sit around the pool with or take spontaneous trips to Galveston with....I started really realizing my lack of girlfriends when it came time to make a list for my baby shower.

Wish I had a magical answer but I don't. When we leave Houston, I don't think there are many girls that I will keep in touch with.

Best thing to do is be yourself and pray. God will take care of it. I will say that being involved in church activities does help. I guess I just never really fit in with the "big city" mentality, which is why I probably never really clicked with the other women I go to church with.

Ramble over.

Kyrbie Alexis said...

I so know how you feel...I'm the same way. I depend on Will to make friends for us, which is why we have all male friends! It's fun but can get old. Sometimes you do just need a good girlfriend within reach. Will used to try to get me to meet new friends too, but I was never very successful. I remember Will would even coach me through a conversation to have with a girl that seemed like would be a good friend. hahaha...when in doubt, just ask them about themselves. People always like to talk about themselves :)

I'm just not good at making new friends. I'm so awkward that I just don't try. I have forced myself to go to different women's events at church, and it's ok, but really haven't had that "connection" with anyone. When we see eachother at church, we chat, but that's about it. How awkward is it to ask for another girl's phone number?! I remember being so determined to find a good girlfriend that it was like I was shopping for the perfect purse or something. I felt so lame. I remember seeing a girl at the gym and being like hmm...she looks nice, I should try to talk to her. But then I would never get the guts to just introduce myself. And, the sad thing is that we're not the only ones. Women can just be so shallow sometimes that we don't allow ourselves to really be transparent and appear "uncool".

Unfortunately, I've been in Houston for 3 years now and really don't think I've made any good girlfriends. It's lonely. No one to shop with, no one to just sit around the pool with or take spontaneous trips to Galveston with....I started really realizing my lack of girlfriends when it came time to make a list for my baby shower.

Wish I had a magical answer but I don't. When we leave Houston, I don't think there are many girls that I will keep in touch with.

Best thing to do is be yourself and pray. God will take care of it. I will say that being involved in church activities does help. I guess I just never really fit in with the "big city" mentality, which is why I probably never really clicked with the other women I go to church with.

Ramble over.

The Conway's said...

Hang in there! It's difficult to find great friends out there that you feel comfortable around!
Wish I lived closer...I'd definitely be a great Godly friend to lean on!

The Hamilton's said...

Hey Chelsey! Girl, making friends, especially the "life long" kind, is HARD work. It just is. I mean think about your relationship with Christ. It takes a LOT of work to be close to Him and continue a growing relationship with him. Finding friends, especially the real ones is hard. I'm currently in the same boat, again. This is my 3rd go-round. This time I moved home and just knew that it would be easier because of all the friends I had before. However, I find myself doing the friend hunt again.
Just do it. Plan a girls Saturday brunch for a few of the girls from your lifegroup, or invite them out to dinner. Then you can see which ones you click with most from there... It's hard, but it's a start. Keep us posted!

Lindsay said...

stopping by from the undomestic momma. Love your blog and your wedding photos are gorgeous :)

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