I am finally forcing myself to sit down and write about Abigail's birth story! I've been wanting to, meaning to, trying to write about it for the past almost 6 weeks since my daughter has been born. However, I have not really been able to find the time or really been able to make myself do it. Why? Well, I guess that sometimes I don't like to think about it. I know it might sound silly, but wait to judge me until after you read my story! ;) I should be cleaning the house and doing the laundry, but instead I'm going to watch my daughter sleep and tell you about how she entered the world. :)
At my last OBGYN appointment at 39 weeks, Dr. Hudgens told me that I was not really dilated at all and said that we could schedule an induction if I wanted for April 30th. Bryan and I decided that is what we would do so my Dr. said to come back in on Monday morning of April 30th and she would check me to see if I had made any progress between now and then. After leaving the Dr.'s office, we were so excited because we knew that we were going to meet our baby girl, no later that Tuesday! I did want to avoid being induced, but wasn't willing to wait another week or more to have my baby!
Bryan and I went home that Thursday and spent the weekend trying everything we knew of to induce labor. I kept waiting and hoping for signs of contractions or that my labor was beginning, but nothing happened. We notified all of our family that the plan was to go into the hospital on Monday night at 6:00 to be induced and we would expect Abigail to be born sometime on Tuesday. Bryan and I enjoyed our last weekend as a couple and counting down the days until Monday!
Monday morning we went to the Dr. and surprise, surprise, she said there was still no change. She told us that we could still go ahead with the induction or we could wait another week. When I heard that, I thought, "Are you kidding me lady?!" Both of our families were already planning on driving in that night. In hindsight, I kinda wish I would have waited. However, I knew that there was no way that I could mentally/emotionally wait one more week.
My Dr. told me to go check into the hospital at 5 pm that afternoon and hopefully they would be able to start the induction around 6 pm and I would get a good head start before the nurses changed shifts for the evening. They told me I would probably progress throughout the night, but not have Abigail until the next morning sometime. Bryan went back to finish out the school day and I went home to rest, pack, and finish getting ready.
Bryan came home, we packed everything up, and headed to the hospital. This is my last preggo picture before we left the house at 40 weeks!
Moving on. After that the nurses then put in the Cervidil in order to thin out my cervix. The nurse said she was going to check me and then she was going to come back out and then put the Cervidil in. I thought ok, good deal. So she checked me, no biggie, then she went back in with the medicine. All I'm going to say about that is that it was one of the most painful things I've ever experienced. It felt like she was shoving her hand all the way up my throat and I barely held it together while I squeezed the CRAP out of Bryan's hand. The only good thing about when she was finished is that she said that I was at a 2 and 75% effaced! I was so excited I tried not to cry. After hearing that I hadn't progressed at all week after week, I was so glad to hear something positive! I got hooked up to the monitor and they did everything else they needed to do. They showed Bryan what a contraction and Abigail's heart rate looked like on the monitor. After all of that was finished, we began the wait. Here I am trying to act brave like I hadn't just been traumatized! ;)
We didn't have to wait long before the friends and family began to arrive! My parents and sister Chalen were the first to arrive at the hospital. My best friend Jacque came to visit for a little while also!
Everyone left soon after that and we said we would keep everyone updated. Bryan and I were told to try and get as much rest as we could because probably not much was going to be happening that night. Yeah, RIGHT!
They continued to check me, which after they put in that medicine, was seriously the worst pain ever. I wanted to know what my progress was, but I dreaded every time they came to check me. I don't remember the exact times, but I would say that by about 10/11:00 I was probably at a 3 or 4. The good news was that I was progressing even before they started the Pitocin! They decided to go ahead and start me on the Pitocin. I had been having some pretty good contractions since my parents got there, but surprisingly, I didn't really feel them. I wasn't having any real pain from the contractions and I can remember Bryan and everyone saying, "Are you sure that doesn't hurt?!" but no, it didn't.
It was probably around 11:00 when we were told to try and get some rest. I remember asking Bryan for my phone and I began to listen to songs to help me relax and sleep. I was only able to listen to one song before the nurse came back in and started looking at the monitor. I could tell that she didn't like something she was seeing. She told me that Abigail's heart rate was dropping, so she made me change sides to see if that would help. I rolled over to my right side, it got better, and then the nurse left. However, it wasn't long after that that she came back into my room and said that it was happening again, so I moved to my back. That worked for a little while before she came back in and made me put on the oxygen mask. Boy, that was fun being hooked up to everything known to man! But if it was helping my baby girl, I was happy to suck it up and do it. The oxygen seemed to work. I "rested" as much as possible. They came back in later to tell me that they talked to my Dr. and she wanted me to stop the Pitocin because they thought that Abigail didn't like it. I hoped that it would help her settle down.
Around 1:00 I tried to relax and sleep but my body started shaking. I didn't know what was causing it, but it started to worry me. I could not make my body stop shaking. I finally woke Bryan and told him and he talked to the nurses, but they said it was normal so basically no big deal. I was not expecting this and nobody had ever told me about having "the shakes". I tried focusing really hard to make them stop, but nothing worked. I wasn't panicked or stressed..they honestly were making me mad! Of course, there was no way I could sleep being hooked up to everything and shaking uncontrollably!
Oh and did I mention when I had to go to the bathroom? Oh yes, that was fun. My inexperienced self stupidly thought, "Why do I have to go pee?" I haven't been drinking anything at all!" Then I realized that oh yeah, that iv that I'm hooked up to is pumping me full of fluid! Well, normally going to the bathroom wouldn't be a big deal; however, when you don't have your epidural yet, you don't have a catheter. That means you have to get out of bed and go to the bathroom. Normally, not a big deal, one which I would have been fine with. However, my nurses were not. I was not allowed to take my oxygen mask or the heart rate monitor off that was monitoring Abigail's heart rate. So what's left you ask? Well, that would be the bedpan! I'll spare you all the glorious details, but you can imagine how fun and easy it is for a 9 month pregnant woman to lift herself up on her bed to pee in a bedpan! Unfortunately, that happened twice before I got my catheter. Ugh!
Around 2:00 am, my contractions began to get more painful, and based on how long I was sure it would take for my anesthesiologist to get there, I decided that I was going to go ahead and ask for my epidural. It took about 20-30 minutes for him to get there and I was ready! Remember how bad I was shaking though? Yeah, the fact that this man was about to stick a giant needle in my spine made me try even harder to control the shakes. Easier said than done though! I remember a little bit of burning, but that was about it. No biggie. The one who had the toughest time though was Bryan. He couldn't stand to see me like that and not being able to help. He was about to pass out and couldn't look anymore, so the Dr. made him sit down and not look. Ha!
After I got my epidural in, I was really relaxed and didn't care about the pain..or lack of! :) I still had the stupid shakes though. The nurses came in soon after to put in my catheter around 3:00 am. I was glad to finally have that thing, but could have done without the nurses discussing their everyday lives, while talking about parts of my anatomy right in front of me! Hellooooo!! Another nurse came in to check me and I was at a 5! Yipee! I was so glad I was still progressing, even though they had stopped the Pitocin.
I was still doing pretty good, though very tired, and tired of my body shaking. They checked me again around 4 am and I was at a 6. My Dr came in to talk to me and said that everything was ok but she was going to go ahead and break my water so that hopefully that would get things moving a little bit faster. She came back in around 5 am to check me and I was at a 7. She was glad that I still was progressing, but things weren't going as fast as they should have been. She wanted me to be prepared in case that she had to do a c-section. They would continue to monitor Abigail and make sure she was ok. I won't lie, I was scared when she said the c word, but was hopeful because I continued to progress.
Around 6:00, my Dr. came back in to check me and I was unfortunately still at a 7. She told me then she was going to give me 30 minutes, but if I hadn't progressed anymore in that time, then she was going to preform a c-section. She said that yes, even though I was progressing, I hadn't gotten really any sleep in over 24 hours and she was worried about me having enough strength to make it through the delivery. She was also worried about Abigail because she had been stressed out and she didn't want Abigail to go into distress. She said that it wasn't an emergency c-section, but she didn't want to wait several more hours and have to turn around and do an emergency c-section. We texted all of our families to update them. After she left, I began to pray and pray. I prayed that Abigail would be ok, but most importantly that God's will would be done. I can remember our sweet friend & nurse Julie coming in and laying hands on me, praying over me. That meant SO much to me and Bryan at that moment. It was so sweet and I could feel God's presence in that room! I was completely at peace then and knew that it would all be ok, no matter what happened.
At 6:30, Dr. Hudgens came back in, checked me, and said we were doing a c-section. I knew she was going to say that before the words even left her mouth. I tried not to cry, even though tears were stinging my eyes. Bryan came and told me everything was going to be ok and gave me a kiss. He left to go tell our family and friends that were already in the waiting room that they were taking me to surgery. While I was in my room alone, that's when it hit me and I became really scared. I knew that I couldn't cry or I would totally lose it. I was so tired that I just wanted it all to be over with and to have my baby girl here now! I knew I had done my best and that was good enough.
Bryan got dressed in his scrubs and they wheeled me off to the emergency room. I can remember going in there and realizing that I was about to have major surgery. I heard all the doctors and nurses setting everything up and I told one of the nurses to tell Bryan to make sure he had the camera! I was very adamant about having my pictures of the moment Abigail was born! Today when we tell people that story, everyone thinks that it's hilarious that I'm about to have major surgery and all I'm worried about is the camera! Ha! I'm glad I said something though because Bryan had forgotten the camera, so he ran back to our room to get it. I remember verifying with the anesthesiologist that I wasn't going to feel anything, right???! He told me no, I wouldn't feel anything. Bryan told me later that they didn't even wait on him to return with the camera. When he walked in they had already began to cut me open. He said that he has seen births and c-sections before (having some medical background), but when it's your wife, it's a different story! Bryan hurried up to sit by my head. I remember it felt like we were barely in there at all when I felt a lot of tugging and pressure and then they said she's here! I will never forget the sound of Abigail's first cry. I can't even describe what it was like. When I heard it, I lost it. I just cried and cried. Everything that I had been holding in, just burst out of me. She was ok! I did it! My baby is here! She's finally here!
Bryan took pictures while they cleaned Abigail up and weighed and measured her. I can remember asking Bryan how much she weighed and when he told me 6.7 I was surprised she was so little! Everyone had been making bets on how much she weighed and everyone thought around 8-9 lbs, but I thought she would be around 7 lbs because that's what I weighed when I was born. She surprised us though and was even smaller! The nurse was sweet enough to take our first family picture and some of Abigail and Bryan. Bryan showed me Abigail, but because I was laying on the table, I couldn't really see her that well. I couldn't wait to hold her, touch her, skin to skin. They finished me up and then wheeled me back to my room and brought her to me. I'll never forget seeing her face for the first time and holding her. She was absolute perfection and she looked JUST like me! I didn't expect that AT ALL! I thought she would look like Bryan or be a mix of both of us, but nope..she was a miniture replica of me! I took her and layed her on my chest, skin to skin. I can't describe how wonderful it felt. She was in my arms...she was home.
We kept Abigail in the room with us for about an hour just having some Mommy and Abigail time! I immediately tried to nurse, but she wasn't really interested. They took her to the nursery then to give her a bath and run some tests. Bryan gave all of our families the happy news and they all went to watch her first bath! I was moved out of our delivery room and into our recovery room. Soon all of the family came in with their congratulations! They were so excited to see Abigail and take pictures! You can read more about that in Abigail's Birth Story, part 2!
Even though I wanted to have a natural delivery SO bad, I knew that I had done my best and that God had a plan that was greater than mine. I don't know why He allowed me to have a c-section, but I have to trust in His plan. I will admit that I struggled with this some. I felt like something had been stolen from me. Things didn't go exactly how I had planned, but the most important thing was that I had a beautiful, perfect, baby girl. I was a Mommy and that's all that mattered! Thank you God for your hand of protection over us all and for making my biggest dream come true!
Abigail Morgan Moss
May 1, 2012 @ 6:51 am
6.78 lbs and 19 in long